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Abilities Magazine
| September 29th, 2004 | |
The ForumCanadian Association Of Occupational TherapistsWinter 1995. Issue 25: p. 41 Forumby Anita M. Unruh - "Having a grandchild with a disability has given me a better understanding of all children with this issue. I feel the parents of my grandchild are doing a wonderful job and are doing everything possible to help his progress. I live too far away to be of much assistance, but I am delighted to help out when I am able." - "It worries me to know what she will be like when she gets older. I also feel that having a child with a disability requires a lot of patience, love and understanding. If a parent or grandparent can demonstrate these qualities, then it will help the child with their disability, thus allowing them to find happiness." - "The first six months were very hard. However, my grandchild now gives a lot of love. Even though he cannot speak, he recognizes my voice and shares his love for his Nanny� with big smiles and by stroking my cheek with the back of his right hand. That gesture never fails to thrill me. I am not uncomfortable talking about him with friends and relatives. He has brought a lot of joy into our lives." These are all comments from grandparents who attended a Saturday workshop at the Ottawa Children�s Treatment Centre. Grandparents are an important component of families of children with disabilities. When the relationship between grandparents and a family is supportive, parents have a vital resource for support. Many grandparents provide assistance with child care, shopping or errands, and finances. Other grandparents provide access to family cottages for family relaxation. Most importantly, grandparents provide support for parents and children. Indeed, for many families, the experience of having a child with a disability may draw grandparents, parents and grandchildren closer together. Unfortunately for grandparents, their needs for information and support are not always recognized. Just as parents may experience periods of sadness and grief as well as satisfaction and joy for their child with a disability, grandparents often struggle with their own feelings of sadness and loss. In addition, grandparents may grieve for the parents as well as the grandchild. For parents, there are a variety of options that provide information as well as hope and direction for the future during the periods of adjustment. Access to health professionals for information, treatment and therapy, and informal and formal contact with other parents, provide therapeutic and emotional benefits for parents and the child. However, grandparents rarely have such opportunities, and may struggle on their own to find ways of being informed and giving support. For some families, the relationship between the parents and the grandparents is strained. This tension may be the result of issues unrelated to the birth of a grandchild with a disability. In other families, issues concerning the grandchild cause conflict between parents and grandparents. Parents may perceive that their child with a disability is not as well accepted as other grandchildren. Parents and grandparents may have different views about the nature or the extent of the special needs. Grandparents and parents may disagree over decisions that were made concerning these difficulties or challenges. Some grandparents may be fearful about their ability to care for the child with a disability, especially if care involves specialized handling, positioning, feeding or toileting strategies. Grandparents may also be concerned about causing harm to the child. It is not uncommon for grandparents to have more difficulty being firm and setting reasonable expectations for their grandchild with a disability than for their other grandchildren. Any of these difficulties can create divisions between grandparents and parents and may lead to avoidance and communication difficulties. There are several strategies available to parents to strengthen and support the relationship between family and grandparents. Often what has been helpful for parents may also be useful for grandparents. 1. Recognize that grandparents need time to adjust to the birth of a grandchild with a disability and may need opportunities to express their feelings and concerns. 2. Provide opportunities for grandparents to obtain information and ask questions. Grandparents may be interested in pamphlets and books about the child�s disability. 3. Encourage grandparents to attend medical appointments with the child�s doctor. Arrange to have some time set aside for grandparents to ask their own questions about the child�s needs. 4. Invite grandparents to attend appointments with your child�s therapists to learn about special care strategies. Grandparents may be especially interested in how to encourage play and social interaction, particularly if the child has difficulties in these areas. 5. Talk to grandparents about what support or assistance from them would be helpful to the family and manageable within the grandparents� available time, energy and resources. 6. If possible, introduce grandparents to other children with disabilities and their families. 7. In some situations, it may be helpful to seek specific help for parents and grandparents through family counselling. In some facilities, grandparent workshops may be periodically available to provide information and give support. These workshops are often offered by occupational therapists, social workers or psychologists. These workshops provide an invaluable opportunity to meet and hear from other grandparents. Grandparents are important. If you are concerned about how to support grandparents, talk to a member of your child�s health care team. (Anita M. Unruh, MSW, OT(C), is assistant professor at the School of Occupational Therapy, Dalhousie University, in Halifax, Nova Scotia.) CANADIAN ASSOCIATION OF OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY CARLETON TECHNICAL & TRAINING CENTRE 3400-1125 COLONEL BY DRIVE OTTAWA, ON K1S 5R1 TEL: (613) 523-2268 FAX: (613) 523-2552 WEBSITE: http://www.caot.ca/
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