Wedding Bliss

So, you’re getting married! And, like all couples, you want your wedding day to be beautiful, exciting and problem-free. Planning a wedding is always stressful, but if you or your future spouse has a disability, the arrangements will require extra consideration. Or perhaps you and your beloved are able-bodied, but you have friends and family members with disabilities and you want to make sure that they’re fully included in your special day. Read on for tips to make your celebration accessible and memorable for everyone.

Take Your Time

Allow yourselves at least several months to plan. Lots of lead time is especially important if you need to book services such as sign language interpretation or have a lot of out-of-town guests who need to make special travel arrangements. If you need an accessible church, banquet hall or hotel rooms, start your research as soon as possible and make reservations well in advance. Visit the facilities personally to check out access firsthand.

Be Specific

Think about all aspects of the wedding, from the point of view of you and the guests, and make a list of exactly what you need. If you expect guests to be using guide dogs, or if you want an FM system set up in the facility so that deaf guests can hear the speeches, talk to banquet hall managers or hotel staff about these details well in advance of the big day. Don’t assume that they can anticipate all your needs – or that they automatically know how to accommodate them.

Think Outside the Box

Sometimes accessibility means a little bit of creativity. Are the banquet tables too low for a wheelchair-using guest to sit at them comfortably? A set of wooden blocks under the table legs may be all that is needed to raise the tabletops to the required height. Does a beloved relative have a vision disability? Ask the printer who is designing your programs to produce a large-print version with high-contrast type.

More Staff May Mean Less Stress

Consider hiring support staff, such as attendants, to be available for guests who need assistance eating or filling their plates from the buffet. Ask the staff to approach guests discreetly with an offer to help if needed, or make a general announcement to introduce the attendants without singling out any guests.

Give It a Personal Touch

Like Ruth and Paul Hogue (see “Couples Comment”), who involved a guide dog in their ceremony, you may find that a wedding best reflects who you are if your disability-related devices are part of the proceedings. Some brides and grooms decorate their wheelchairs or crutches with ribbons. Wedding cake toppers that depict the bride or groom using a wheelchair can even be ordered on the Internet (or, save some cash and make your own customized topper)!

Surround Yourself with Supporters

When Ray Cohen, publisher of Abilities, and Michelle Amerie-Cohen, a wheelchair user, got married last year, they made a point of choosing an officiator who herself had a disability. “The fact that the minister was a wheelchair user gave the entire wedding the feeling of diversity being the norm – even if Ray felt extraordinarily tall under the chupa!” says Amerie-Cohen. “It made us both feel good to reinforce disability as being normal in the eyes and hearts of our guests.” Choosing disability-friendly venues or service providers often means more understanding and accommodating attitudes. And less stress on the wedding day is always welcome!

(Jaclyn Law recently joined the Canadian Abilities Foundation as the new Managing Editor of ABILITIES magazine.)

Tips for Vision Disabilities

Marie and Chris Stark of Ottawa, both blind, offer these tips to make your wedding day a breeze:

- Designate someone to offer assistance to guests or wedding party members with vision disabilities.

- Provide Braille and/or large-print songbooks and programs. (Plain fonts are usually preferable, with black ink on white paper.) You can even e-mail songs and programs to guests ahead of time so they have the opportunity to print the materials on a Braille printer if they wish.

- Consider skipping a written program altogether, opting instead for a master of ceremonies who outlines the steps and describes the ceremony in an appropriate manner.

- Arrange tables, chairs and decorations to allow for easy movement. Marie cautions that guests with vision disabilities should never be singled out with a public announcement regarding the room arrangements or other aspects of the event. “Not everyone likes to be helped in the same way,” she adds.

— TREENA HEIN

COUPLES COMMENT

An inside look at the accessible weddings of three couples who share planning tips, wisdom and favourite memories.

BY TREENA HEIN

Natalie and Kevin

Although Natalie and Kevin Lewis of Pembroke, Ontario, weren’t high school sweethearts, they did go to the same school together for a time – Sir James Whitney School for the Deaf, in Belleville. “We went on the bus together,” Natalie says with a smile, “but didn’t know each other.” They met a few years later.

Many of the guests at their July 4, 1998, church wedding were Deaf, including friends from school and other places. “We had an interpreter at the ceremony so that we could understand what the priest had said to us,” says Natalie. “Same with the [reception] party.”

Hearing guests discovered that day how to clap for people who can’t hear, and joined the guests with hearing disabilities by waving their hands, showing the couple their respect and love. Kevin and Natalie say that “it meant a lot.”

“It was just like other weddings,” says Natalie. “We just added an interpreter, that is all.”

Corrine and Jim

Extreme adventurers Corrine and Jim Milina of B.C. tied the knot on January 4, 2003. Jim, an avid skier in his youth, had been injured in 1981 in a freestyle skiing accident during a demonstration and became quadriplegic at the C4 level. Their wedding was a celebration of their love, but was also an acknowledgement of their dedication to experiencing life’s adventures together.

To maximize the intermingling and celebration, the couple held both the ceremony and the reception at a Courtenay banquet hall. The ceremony was officiated by a justice of the peace. Says Jim, “Everything being at one location made it easy for people to relax and visit as soon as the ceremony was over.”

Jim wasn’t the only person present with a physical disability. Two guests had multiple sclerosis and Corrine’s aunt is a stroke survivor. In terms of accessibility, Jim notes, “As I use a wheelchair, it had to be fully accessible for me – and if it is ‘Jim friendly,’ it's pretty much everyone friendly.”

They were wed on a stage facing nearly 200 guests, so one of the accommodations involved arranging for a ramp to be set up next to the stairs.

“We wrote our own vows,” says Jim, “and had native engraved bands made for one another. Corrine is a raven: beautiful, intelligent and tricky. I am an eagle: brave, willing to soar and full of vision.”

Jim couldn’t be happier with how the wedding day went. “We had just climbed Kilimanjaro five months earlier, and wanted the night to be a celebration of that amazing feat and a way to give back to all those who had supported us. The party was a blending of generations of family and friends. We danced, we honoured special guests, we drank and we visited. People said it was the best wedding they had ever been to.”

Ruth and Paul

When Ruth and Paul Hogue planned their Winnipeg wedding for September 1, 2002, they put a lot of thought into the entire celebration, including the choice of venue. “Lighting was very important to us,” stresses Ruth, whose husband has low vision. Ruth herself is blind.

They held both the ceremony and party at the same hotel. Even the picture taking was on site, so the hotel also provided reception rooms for guests to mingle during this time. Paul and Ruth made sure the hotel was aware that some guests would have guide dogs, and took advantage of the hotel’s shuttle service for guests with disabilities who had arrived at the airport.

Their ceremony was conducted by a justice of the peace “who was wonderful,” says Ruth. “We were very fortunate. She didn’t make anything obvious at moments like when we were to turn towards each other.” Ruth feels that the officiator’s previous experience working at the Canadian National Institute for the Blind had given her some awareness of blindness issues.

Someone else was right on target at the ceremony. Ruth’s guide dog at the time, Ojin, graciously agreed to act as ring bearer and seemed to know exactly what to do. “He was great,” says Paul. “When the JP told everyone, ‘please sit down,’ he sat right down with them.”

(Treena Hein is a freelance writer living in Pembroke, Ontario.)